I received a formal invitation from my CEO and the SVP of my department to attend a private event at a fancy hotel including Cocktails, Canapes and Dinner to recognize the work I, and 40 other people, did to successfully separate our single company into two distinct entities. Not surprsingly I was one of the few African Americans in attendance (my CFO was one of them) but at my table I was the lone African American female. What did me in was the mixture of people; all caucasian. Besides one other woman, the table of 10 was all male.
Funnily enough I'd forgotton all about the event until my VP reminded me. My department was hosting a "town hall" that day at a BOWLING ALLEY (JEEZ!!) and I'd worn jeans and a company henley - not at all appropriate for Cocktails and Canapes!! So I went to a high end consignment shop and purchased a second hand silk crepe sleeveless black wrap dress with the perfect crickled effect, a pair of second hand Jimmy Choo sandles, rhinestone earings I clipped onto the waste wrap tie for "bling" and a cheap gold chain neclace I wrapped around my wrist to create a bracelet. I was chic and loving it! At my table I was surrounded by executives, managers, and sharp individual contributers all wearing (including the only other female) hideous variations of the classic button down suit shirt. Stripes, patterns, color blocks. No ties or tailored suit jackets, french cuffs or tailored vests. It was like they all wanted you to know that they were professional but not stuffy. They were "leaders" but not too rigid; never out of place in corporate America. They were cardboard cut-outs of corporate drones with no personalities and no sense of individuality.
I realized then how much we give up of ourselves to fit into the "work world" and be successful. As I sat there in my chic attire, receiving many compliments on my clearly appropriate fashion choices I was again the minority. I realized I was as vocal and diverse in my work ethic as I was in my fashion sense. And again I felt very lonely and out of place. I was transported to one of my favorite movies, "Working Girl". "You're the first woman I've seen in one of these things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman..." Jack Trainer (played by Harrison Ford). LOL...
I'm ambivalent to work now. Confused by the lack of diversity in an ever changing world and an increasing growing global society. Companies spout diversity but they have no real interest in creating diversity within their organzations; although they know they won't survive without it. When I say diversity, I don't just mean race. I mean the things that make us special, unique, human. At this event, everyone was dressed alike; akin to the leader, the CEO, who was clearly conservative but wants to be "relatable" to the many Contact Center workers that dominate our company population and are now spread throughout the country; Oklahoma, Utah, Nevada, Delaware, New Jersey. We are no longer a "California based company" and yet we still won't diversify our thinking, our staff. Everyone is still the same, generating the same ideas.
My colleage told me that he read an article that said if you speak up (3) three times in every meeting you are more likely to get promoted. Then he jokingly said, I don't understand why you havent been promoted yet. (hahahaha). It is well known and widely spread that I ask questions, I speak up. His statement sticks with me for some reason. Maybe because I don't understand why I havent yet been promoted either. But it leads me full cicle to where I am today.
For fashion and the opportunity work within the industry and to see if it is my passion life; I'd take any shit job to get in the door and learn. For HR where I've dedicated ten (10) years, I'm not willing to move to another role to broaden my horizon for the possibility of becoming an Executive. Fuck HR.
But It does raise the question. Am I being passed over at the mistake of my leaders? Or are they right in that there is "something" holding me back from being the superstar; a something I'm not willing to push for to get that next level role. Maybe it's all true.
It is for this reason and many others that it's time for me to go...
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